Song Parody: “There’s Always New Wrinkles”

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“There’s Always New Wrinkles”

(A song parody by 3rdnlong, to the tune of Billy Joel’s “She’s Always a Woman”) – 

“There’s Always New Wrinkles”

Vs. 1 There’s the greatest of coaches, we call him “Big Red,”
And he spends the offseason with thoughts in his head,
Designing new plays for Mahomes to Kelce,
Or to anyone else
And there’s always new wrinkles to see.

Vs. 2 And he’s ever been like this since, oh, way back when
He had coached there in Philly for three years plus ten,
And the plays that he called! Such a high mastery
For getting guys open.
There’s always new wrinkles to see.

Chorus – Oh, and he’ll use bubble screens,
Call up twelve RPOs
And they’re never the same.
Oh, and there’s Hungry Pig Right,
And the Bloated Tebow
And they help win the game.

Vs. 3 He will scour old films from games long, long ago,
Just to use what they did in the ‘48 Rose Bowl,
Any play that makes defenses look foolishly,
He’ll gladly include,
And there’s always new wrinkles to see.

Vs. 4 And there’s no way to know, at the snap or before,
Where the offense is going, or how they will score,
So our rivals must get used to great misery.
They’ll be quite depressed,
When our coach’s new wrinkles they see.

Chorus 2 – Oh, and he’ll call plays for Clyde,
Or the Cheetah to run,
Even left tackles too.
Or he will throw it inside,
Or a draw from shotgun.
You can’t know what he’ll do.

Vs. 5 So the Kingdom awaits to see what’s all in store
When the league starts for real, and our team wipes the floor
With the Browns, Ravens, Chargers, then Eagles, with glee.
Then bring on the rest!
Even if they’re the best
(As they think they’re addressed),
They will all fail the test.
Reid has always more wrinkles to see.

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06/04/2021 1:40 pm

This is good stuff! You have a gift my friend.

I’m not sure if you want to re-use Billy Joel, but I’m bouncing an idea around (actually just started to) based on “Piano Man”:

“Throw us the ball, you’re the quarterback
Throw us the ball toniiiiight
‘Cause we’re gonna win the AFC West again
And you’ve got us feeling all right.”

That’s about all I have; feel free to use it. I’m no one important, so it’s not like it’s copyrighted (aside from what it’s based on and all that).

Last edited 5 months ago by Nasrani
Reply to  3rdnlong
06/04/2021 5:04 pm

I actually had something going for the first verse; got a couple lines in, but I was at work at the time and didn’t have a moment to jot things down. I’ll see what I can come up with over the weekend; once I do get something going I’ll likely send it to you to post it (so that it doesn’t appear I’m stealing your thunder).

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x