Tuesday Taeks

 24 replies

We see you trollin’…we Taekin’…

And… it’s already Tuesday again. Man time flys when you’re watching playoff football. This weekend was a lot of fun to watch, obviously outside of that monstrosity of a Bears game. I mean, I haven’t been that bored since I watched yet another top 10 Bill Belichicks defense grind out a Super Bowl win, while Tommy B rides that coattail whilst garnering all the credit. Can I get a hell yeah?!

Now that I’ve got the facts out of the way, we can get to the funnies. (FYI, we going hard out the gate)

Full Disclaimer here: These are meant to be in satire. I repeat these are meant to be taken lightly and in jest. Please do not take offense if you or someone you know gets named in the ‘taeks’, remember all publicity is good publicity. In fact, you’re welcome.

Additionally do not seek out the authors of these ‘taeks’ to ridicule, maim or otherwise harass them. It could be illegal and Seth isn’t licensed to practice law on the interwebz. Worse yet, you might make the following week’s ‘Taeks’. We’ll make you famous.

Jump to comments

Hawt Taeks

We are starting this out with someone that most wouldn’t consider a traditional taek. But let me be frank, these are trying times for everyone… I will not stand for anyone calling this training nor basketball.

Do us all a favor and stick to political taeks Cardi 🙂

So these two bozos (Megan Denise and Von Miller) decided to have a baby together. Well, kind of…

I feel like there’s another universe that this child is now fully grown and plays football in the NFL. I give you that child.

AmmIRight?! I feel like I’m right.
Sadly though, this is the universe in which we live and things… well they just aren’t going so well.

I was a little shook when I read that “I’m praying for a miscarriage” text. But then I saw this tweet from Xanthony Davis and … and.. I dont know what do do with my feels.

Thank you Kristen Bell, she gets it.

Last week we briefly mentioned the Raiders ” Running it back” well I thought Id add an update.

Everyone loves an update and by update I mean an arrest photo.

Alright, lets take a dive into the Steelers and Browns. First we have the Browns starting to get hot and coming on strong.

Oh Eric….
Prolly shoulda did some work on the field instead of wasting your time on that tweet. Besides your making your teammates feel some kinda way about themselves.

See?! Chase here is young, dumb, and full of… irony.

Well maybe he isnt that dumb afterall. We got those Brownies.

No I didnt forget about the Browns nor their dumb media.

Bro………. wut? In no way is this an accurate description of what transpired. Apparently regardless of what Kareem said to you, we did right by him and he lied and got canned for it. The most apt description of what happened is this.

And yeah Kareem, its now personal.

Same, except it wasn’t fantasy, I had him as the RB2 in my draft order, barely behind Cook that year and I have 2.6 people to impress by telling them that whenever I can.

Listen, I don’t love Cowherd’s taeks but he needs mentioned.

Flaming HAWT Taek of the Week

Champion and Challenger

Reigning Champ

Challenger

Who the hell put Allen on that list?!

Around the Web

Raiders Fan?

Probably not, too literate. Also, I’ve never opened a barely pop like that… hmm

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

Tossing kids are around is normal… semi normal. But this obsession with folding tables has gone too far. Its like a distant Disney’s kissing cousin to forniphilia. Go ahead and google, just not from your work computer/ table.

I was fine with the kid but not the dog. That’s animal abuse!

Ok, Im done. You can kill me in the comments or don’t. I’m off to the gym. Gotta get rid of this freshman 15, and covid 83. Later peoples.

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upamtn
01/12/2021 5:00 pm

touche, Jose

larch
larch
01/12/2021 3:13 pm

That Bills fans’ baby reveal – T4 compression fracture?

Severely Concussed
Severely Concussed
01/12/2021 3:01 pm

I love the Raiders when they Raider.

Tyrone
01/12/2021 2:48 pm

Every man knows the amount of crazy shit that must have come out of that woman’s mouth before von said what he said.

Tyrone
Reply to  Tyrone
01/12/2021 4:28 pm

That being said, it’s not a good look for Rae Von Miller.

workingmansdead
01/12/2021 2:33 pm

Von Miller’s hairline is nightmare fuel

Severely Concussed
Severely Concussed
Reply to  workingmansdead
01/12/2021 2:59 pm

Reminds me of Bozo the clown

probablyamistake
probablyamistake
01/12/2021 2:28 pm

This moment Allen is better and more confident than Patrick? How in the world would cowherd know how confident Patrick is? Better? This reminds me of pundits when Joe was with the niners. They would always ask how are the niners gonna stop Marino? How are they gonna stop Elway? How are they gonna stop whoever? The thing about moments is, well, I’ll let George explain it to you cowherd.

This moment you speak of will disappear when they arrive at Arrowhead.

Last edited 13 days ago by probablyamistake
John Doerty
John Doerty
01/12/2021 2:14 pm

I always thought Von was a pretty nice guy. Just a reminder that the image of all of these guys may or may not be them in real life. That’s just mean bro. Also, Cowherd’s face bracket idea has proven itself dumb. Probably ought to drop that bit.

Last edited 13 days ago by John Doerty
Sudden
Sudden
Reply to  John Doerty
01/12/2021 3:42 pm

The Von Miller conversation doesn’t look good and sounds downright wicked.

But I also understand that people say things in the heat of the moment that aren’t necessarily indicative of their true character. I’d wager that most if not all of us have made comments in private conversations as instant reactions to certain life events that we would be painted as monsters if it went public. I can’t reasonably judge the heart of a man based on this conversation removed of a larger context and probably not even with that context. While the comments are unsettling and I’m certainly not defending them or him, what we know is curated by the person releasing them (the accusations against Tyreek loom large in my mind here) and I’m simply unwilling to cast aspersions because I’m willing to concede my house is made of glass as well.

My worldview is that a very small amount of information is far more dangerous than none. Just my 2 cents.

John Doerty
John Doerty
Reply to  Sudden
01/12/2021 4:15 pm

I agree with you here, but this isn’t the Reek thing either. No one is accusing him of a crime, especially hurting children. No one is threatening his livelihood. He is just being called a jackass. There aren’t many scenarios I can think of where telling a woman you got pregnant, that you hope she miscarries, are anything other than you being a jackass. Might it have been a momentary lapse of jackassery, and he is still a pretty good dude, sure.

EDIT: Your point still stands though. I was on the wrong side of the Reek thing when it broke, and was proven to be the jackass in that scenario. I should probably just shut up about other people in general. Which obviously, that was true before Reek, and it’ll be true after Von.

Last edited 13 days ago by John Doerty
Sudden
Sudden
Reply to  John Doerty
01/12/2021 4:36 pm

I wasn’t trying to criticize you. Your reaction is totally understandable and if anything is the other side of the same coin (previous thinking he’s a decent guy being a limited and curated view now informed by additional details). And I’ve long not been a fan of Von and used to think his explicit gyrating trademark celebration was indicative of immaturity and character defect. I was even kicked off MHR after the Jamaal Charles OT fumble game for saying some pretty dumb things about him.

I was trying to use the circumstance as to flesh out a broader point, one which i admittedly still wrestle with and suspect i always will.

John Doerty
John Doerty
Reply to  Sudden
01/18/2021 4:15 pm

For the record, I didn’t down vote this, and I didn’t think you were criticizing me in particular. Not sure who took umbrage here.

HawaiiFiveOh
HawaiiFiveOh
01/12/2021 2:08 pm

Gotta get rid of this freshman 15, and covid 83.

I don’t like being called out like this, lowbird

HawaiiFiveOh
HawaiiFiveOh
Reply to  01lowbird
01/12/2021 2:47 pm

comment image

NobodyLikesDonkys
NobodyLikesDonkys
01/12/2021 2:00 pm

Good stuff man! Always look forward to theses!

gonzangkc11
gonzangkc11
01/12/2021 1:48 pm

D. Freeman signed with Bills

SCKSChief
SCKSChief
01/12/2021 1:46 pm

gonzangkc11
gonzangkc11
Reply to  SCKSChief
01/12/2021 1:50 pm

HOU owner playing damage control cause Chiefs 15 & Watson — wanted HOU to interview EB (during bye week). HOU is a mess, all the stars want OUT (Watson, Watt) Hopkins got out.

HOU signed yet another BUM (Pat) coat tailer as a GM
=
M E S S

Great mess for rest of AFC teams

Last edited 13 days ago by gonzangkc11
HawaiiFiveOh
HawaiiFiveOh
Reply to  gonzangkc11
01/12/2021 2:07 pm

What a disaster. That team went to the divisional round last year and had a bright future. One offseason later and they’re in rebuilding mode again.

John Doerty
John Doerty
Reply to  HawaiiFiveOh
01/12/2021 2:17 pm

Hopefully Watson can find a way out so he doesn’t have to waste 1/2 his career there. I don’t particularly care of course, but good QBs make for more entertaining football than bad ones.

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