Tuesday Taeks

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We see you trollin’…we Taekin’…

Ever just feel like we are all living in the Twilight Zone? What a strange strange time it is. I just want things to go back to normal, I know I’m not alone in saying that. One thing that’s kept me going is knowing that people will forever have taeks. I know it seems silly, it is silly but I somehow find comfort in knowing people often spout off crazy things. Sometimes people DO crazy things… either way they end up here for us to joke around about. So let’s get to it.

Full Disclaimer here: These are meant to be in satire. I repeat these are meant to be taken lightly and in jest. Please do not take offense if you or someone you know gets named in the ‘taeks’, remember all publicity is good publicity. In fact, you’re welcome.

Additionally do not seek out the authors of these ‘taeks’ to ridicule, maim or otherwise harass them. It could be illegal and Seth isn’t licensed to practice law on the interwebz. Worse yet, you might make the following week’s ‘Taeks’. We’ll make you famous.

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Hawt Taeks

We gotta start out with a little Mossin’ right?

Naturally, we at AG reached out for a comment from Tyreek Hill, he directed us to his New Profile Pic…

But for real, anyone see the sneaks and the half speed at the start? Good on the young kid but cmon.

This Just In… Mitchel Schwartz is NOT a top 10 Tackle in the NFL. He may have been the best player in the Super Bowl but NOT A TOP 10 TACKLE.

Fowler was then Hammered on Twitter for the above tweet so what did he do? He kinda doubled down..

I don’t know why Mitch Schwartz is being body shamed by NFL execs and analysts. It’s not his fault that he was born with T-Rex arms, Corgi legs, and turtle like athletic Traits. Gotta call it like you see it, Right?

Elite.

What can I say? I’m a man of the people…

It shall be done.

Some people still big mad some get it.

TKelce Gets it but this other guy…

DHop gets it.

Oh I see what you did DirtyHop…

This guy? Just, Big Mad.

Literally EVERY TIME someone says Lamar is an elite QB this is what I think of.

I will literally die if that’s a play call next year.

Flaming HAWT Taek of the Week

Champion and Challenger

Reigning Champ

Challenger

Dear Lort…

Around the Web

Long Time AG’r and often Taek’r Tony almost go mauled to a pleasant death yesterday, but eventually was victorious with a score of 3-2. The Mauler’s familia is now angered and is seeking revenge.

Boo this man!

Who the Hell is running this account? Seriously… I want to know.

I thought I liked Burger King?…. but I’m now unsure. I just… don’t know how I feel about that tweet.
Anyways, the rest of this week went splendidly. Now maybe if we can get Jones to sign a 6 year 106 million contract by tomorrow, we will be set with a great DT and a plethora of taeks next week. Speaking of Plethora… I just want to thank the person that created that word, it means a lot.
I’ll just see myself out.

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twiggamortis
twiggamortis
07/15/2020 11:18 am

whats a bith beat? asking for a friend…

gonzangkc11
gonzangkc11
07/14/2020 4:10 pm

58 days til
SEPT 10TH.

Berserker
Berserker
07/14/2020 3:34 pm

So, why do you throw a pine cone at a man’s ass? I’m not sure if I should be disturbed.

workingmansdead
07/14/2020 3:00 pm

Damn DeAndre. Ruthless

tsv0728
tsv0728
Reply to  workingmansdead
07/14/2020 3:07 pm

BoB leaves a trail of hatred in his wake.

Berserker
Berserker
Reply to  workingmansdead
07/14/2020 3:38 pm

comment image

workingmansdead
Reply to  Berserker
07/14/2020 3:59 pm

Hahahahaha I hate the Texans

Berserker
Berserker
Reply to  workingmansdead
07/14/2020 4:09 pm

Same, and I can’t even figure out why. I mean it’s not like they’ve been able to do anything bad to us lately.

Maybe it’s because I pity them, and I hate pity.

workingmansdead
Reply to  Berserker
07/14/2020 4:16 pm

Also, the fans are jerkoffs

HawaiiFiveOh
HawaiiFiveOh
07/14/2020 2:31 pm

I’m in tears over that pine cone video. That is the most childish thing I’ve seen in weeks. I love how he just immediately takes off running like he’s back on the playground

tsv0728
tsv0728
Reply to  HawaiiFiveOh
07/14/2020 3:02 pm

I do wish the throw was a bit more….masculine, but it was damn funny. Those guys are clearly BFFs. That can’t be but good.

Chickennpickles
Chickennpickles
Reply to  tsv0728
07/14/2020 6:36 pm

I think a manly throw like that might break Kelce’s spine.

Tony Sommer
Reply to  HawaiiFiveOh
07/14/2020 3:15 pm

And that’s a guy who just signed a $500M deal. I fully expect him to install a giant ball pit at his house.

BleedingRedAndGold
Reply to  HawaiiFiveOh
07/14/2020 4:42 pm

Easy to see one reason why he’s popular, with that light-hearted playfulness on full display.

kcfreak725
07/14/2020 2:23 pm

Yes the elite Lamar “2 points” Jackson

Fire_FG_the_moron
Fire_FG_the_moron
07/14/2020 1:56 pm

4 years 85 million, 60 gtd, 37 due at signing. Not bad. Veach is the man. Just gave 2 guys 588 million dollars on a budget of 177 dollars and has money to spare.

rip58lovealways
rip58lovealways
Reply to  Fire_FG_the_moron
07/14/2020 5:31 pm

Everyone needs a boss like that..

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