Tuesday Taeks

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We see you trollin’…we Taekin’…

Half A Billion Dollars later…

No… 1 Million dollars isn’t that much money anymore. It’s half a billion dollars now Dr Evil. And you know what else? It was totally worth it. Don’t believe me? Ask the current Salty peeps and all the future Salty Peeps.

Welcome back to Tuesday Taeks everyone. It’s been a hawt minute since we’ve fired up the ole taeks machine but I assure you, its going to be worth the wait. Let’s hop to it.

Full Disclaimer here: These are meant to be in satire. I repeat these are meant to be taken lightly and in jest. Please do not take offense if you or someone you know gets named in the ‘taeks’, remember all publicity is good publicity. In fact, you’re welcome.

Additionally do not seek out the authors of these ‘taeks’ to ridicule, maim or otherwise harass them. It could be illegal and Seth isn’t licensed to practice law on the interwebz. Worse yet, you might make the following week’s ‘Taeks’. We’ll make you famous.

Hawt Taeks

Amazing Signing by the Patriots. Lets check in.

Seems about right.

Let’s hop to our Team. And catch up with Ty and Carlos. Especially since Ty is so easy to catch up with anyway.

Alright, Carlos… you aren’t really that dumb. You’re just letting emotion dictate what you are saying, right?

uhhuh…. well I take that previous statement back. And also, did you happen to eat a lot of paint chips as a kid?

These steeler fans…

Not even up for debate huh?

Imagine being the Redskins Front Office….Maybe Carlos is running that ship, it would explain a lot.

I feel bad for my boys…

Im ashamed that we share the same name Adam…

And whats the deal with the constant Drew Lock love? Most talented? Are you high?

And Now my Favorite part of the show… The Mahomes contract Part.

Great News unless youre a hater right Jack?

You’ll have to excuse Jack, he’s a running back I mean… yeah I had that right, running back fan.
But Raider Cody, no excuse.

Who here believes that A) Raiders United actually has a Chiefs fan as a friend and B) that Raiders United is articulate enough to not only transcribe a sentence but complete a summary of a conversation and place in on twitter.

Flaming HAWT Taek of the Week

Champion and Challenger

Reigning Champ

…at throwing interceptions… in Arrowhead? This one may stand the test of time. Although, this challenger


Around the Web

I will be Shocked if I don’t see something comparative in the comments below. Shocked I tell you.

Oh C’mon Nate… be better!

wait… was Nate onto something? Do fireworks just bring despair at the cost of hard earned cash?

Nope, never mind. The internet saved it again with this classic.


Well folks thatll do it for me today. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday followed by an epic Monday afternoon. Here’s to knowing who our QB is for the next dozen years. Lata

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07/08/2020 1:39 pm

ok, so first off, I’m with Nate: fireworks are a waste of money, dangerous AND they terrify most dogs, and since I’m a dog-lover there’s that, plus those of us with PTSD (and even some of us who don’t have PTSD) often react badly to the noise ,,, just let the “pros” handle it (even then accidents happen)


then this, this is … well, it’s a Raiders fan, but still:

Let’s watch the rest of his team fall apart as we rise to our thrown!

someone wanna inform Mr Hall that it’s spelled differently, unless he’s implying that the Raiders thrown-out pile of garbage will be bigger than usual, in which case happy rising to the top of that


07/08/2020 9:32 am

Both the champ and challenger are idiots I cannot decide who deserves to win in a head to head match up. Due to the fact they both have their heads up their @$$.

zulu trader
zulu trader
07/07/2020 4:06 pm

that’s “Throne” not ‘thrown’. F**kin dumb-ass raiders fan, of course. If you’re gonna’ post on Twitter there should be a rule that you must know how to spell
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Last edited 1 year ago by zulu trader
John Doerty
John Doerty
Reply to  zulu trader
07/07/2020 5:01 pm

Do you think they can tell themselves apart from scene to scene?

07/07/2020 3:17 pm

Someone should remind Chargers fans when was the last time they did ANYTHING meaningful.

Reply to  ForeverRanger91
07/07/2020 4:13 pm

I can’t remember. When did they do anything meaningful? ?

Reply to  ForeverRanger91
07/08/2020 8:22 am

The last time they did anything meaningful Marty Schottenheimer was their head coach.

Severely Concussed
Severely Concussed
07/07/2020 2:53 pm

Comparative for lowbird.

The Hunger Games is just The Running Man with teenagers.

07/07/2020 1:45 pm

Who exactly are the Chargers gonna win all those games with? Cuz I don’t see anyone on the roster capable of doing that. That being said, I still think the reigning champ is more outrageous. Derek Carr is not worth any more than a 3 year contract, imo

Reply to  kcfreak725
07/07/2020 2:58 pm

I have skipped past all Charger hype for the last 10+ years. Every year it’s the same shit. As for Derek Carr you are being way too generous, he isn’t worth shit. Maybe as a backup or a starter for the Chargers which would be funny.

Reply to  ChiefsCo.
07/07/2020 4:41 pm

Tho I agree about Carr, he’s still better than the other trash QBs they’ve had over the years…but that’s not saying much.

Reply to  kcfreak725
07/07/2020 3:19 pm

Carr can take solace in knowing that he has achieved more as a starter than his brother. That is about all.

Reply to  ForeverRanger91
07/07/2020 3:42 pm

As always fuck the Raiders..

Reply to  ForeverRanger91
07/07/2020 4:42 pm

And yet David is his biggest fanboy, acting like he’s gonna be MVP every damn season.

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