Tuesday Taeks

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We see you trollin’…we Taekin’…

I’ll be brief, when it comes to the matters of the heart, Do not taek the lord and saviors name in vain. You shoult not winnith in life.
Mahomiesans 7:01

Full Disclaimer here: These are meant to be in satire. I repeat these are meant to be taken lightly and in jest. Please do not take offense if you or someone you know gets named in the ‘taeks’, remember all publicity is good publicity. In fact, you’re welcome.

Additionally do not seek out the authors of these ‘taeks’ to ridicule, maim or otherwise harass them. It could be illegal and Seth isn’t licensed to practice law on the interwebz. Worse yet, you might make the following week’s ‘Taeks’. We’ll make you famous.

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Hawt Taeks

My wife already knows not to ask this question…

It’s true.

I don’t care for the language but I dang sure chuckled.

FIRSTLYITDOESN’TCOUNTWHENYOUCAN’TFOLLOWDIRECTIONSCORRECTLYPAUL

Secondly…

What in the wild wild world of sports is this guy talking about?

Quick side bar….. imagine if this classic came out today. People would actually die of shock. RIP Comedy.

Everytime I see someone say Allen is fast… Everytime.

I see this.

When you strive for Excellence

Oh colon, I mean colon.

Flaming HAWT Taek of the Week

Champion and Challenger

Reigning Champ

Challenger

Around the Web

Wait…. when…when did they…

No amount of money would entice me enough to “fight” this 50 year old.

Well I’m about to hit the star as well and bounce out of here. But before I do, I ask the question,besides spin offs (Mario Kart, etc) what is the best Mario Game of all time? I kinda feel like Super Mario 64 and Super Mario World are 1a and 1b for me.

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ArrowFan
ArrowFan
06/24/2020 11:16 am

How many years should the QB whisper get to work with Carr before they give up on him? Maybe two more or is this going to be the last year we see Carr?

vvet818
06/24/2020 6:40 am

This is for cowhead…..
comment image

BleedingRedAndGold
06/24/2020 2:08 am

Since it hasn’t come up, my vote’s to retain the incumbent due to recency bias making it dumber.

pompano
pompano
06/23/2020 7:21 pm
HawaiiFiveOh
HawaiiFiveOh
06/23/2020 5:44 pm

Honestly, Colin Cowherd’s prediction isn’t too out there. Baltimore’s schedule is pretty easy for a division winner. This is assuming that Lamar Jackson doesn’t get figured out. Looking at their schedule, they should be favored in every game except the Kansas City game, which might be a push.
His prediction about Kansas City might be wrong though. I don’t think San Diego is a threat anymore now that Rivers is gone. Tyrod Taylor is not Rivers. And Denver is not going to make that leap he thinks they will. The absolute hardest games the Chiefs play at @Baltimore and @Saints. Every other game they should be easily favored.

workingmansdead
Reply to  HawaiiFiveOh
06/23/2020 6:59 pm

He said the Chargers have a top 3 roster in the NFL. Just like everybody says every year. Then they go 7-9.

DenverDonkeyHater
DenverDonkeyHater
06/23/2020 4:32 pm

Mario 2.

Just kidding. But honestly it was kind of fun as long as you got over the fact that they stupidly tried to fuck up a classic.

HawaiiFiveOh
HawaiiFiveOh
06/23/2020 4:15 pm

Derek Carr is so much better than Patrick Mahomes as long as you never watch any video of Patrick Mahomes. Ever. And don’t watch any video of Derek Carr either.

DenverDonkeyHater
DenverDonkeyHater
Reply to  HawaiiFiveOh
06/23/2020 4:33 pm

Derek Carr is so much better than Patrick Mahomes at putting on make up

Spider
Spider
06/23/2020 4:12 pm

#7 is already kicking butt and taken. Name’s Harrison Butker.

twiggamortis
twiggamortis
06/23/2020 2:35 pm

Mario 64 blew my mind when it came out, but I was a freshman in college so Im sure there is some bias in there.

Severely Concussed
Severely Concussed
06/23/2020 2:28 pm

I can guarantee that if the Chiefs trade Mahomes my wife and I will be together for the rest of my life.

I will either have an aneurysm right when I read the news, or I will be killed by security on my way to murder Brett Veach.

There will be no time for a divorce.

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