League One Liners: NFC Edition

 11 replies

In my household, we have switched from coffee to green tea because it’s “healthier for us.” I’m totally sure it’s offsetting the liberal amounts of yard beer and whiskey I’m ingesting. Just kidding, it’s a total waste of time.

Speaking of a total waste of time:

Cardinals: Apparently Josh Rosen’s Instagram was hacked and all photos referencing the team were deleted — most likely by someone using the pseudonym “Clifford Queensbury.

Falcons: Atlanta fans ponder the possibility of trading for Justin Houston, because what’s the sense of having Bob Sutton without giving him someone he is familiar with misusing?

Panthers: Carolina doesn’t have anyone to place a franchise tag on, Ron Rivera wonders if he can use it on himself …

Bears: Local Chicago media outlets are swooning over three potential kickers from the Combine, because, well … why wouldn’t they be?

Cowboys: Much the same way America views Jason Garrett as a coach, the offer Dallas extended DeMarcus Lawrence “wasn’t considered serious.”

(Cowboys BONUS): After hearing of Jason Witten’s departure from the booth, the Monday Night Football crew has opted to replace him with a slightly damp bathroom mop, which tested better in focus groups.

Lions: Supposedly, Damon Harrison “joked” with Landon Collins about joining him in Detroit, and after seeing their defense, that’s exactly how Collins took it.

Packers: Green Bay is reportedly looking to raise ticket prices in 2019, most likely to prepare for Aaron Rodgers’ next yearly-scheduled medical bill.

Rams: Los Angeles has released Mark Barron, as well as declining C John Sulliver’s option, trying to cut their spending before the League realizes there should’ve been no way for them to afford all those high-end players last season …

Vikings: Minnesota ponders bringing in Michael Crabtree as a WR3, because it’s really kind of pointless bringing in any kind of talent with Kirk Cousins, amiright?

Saints: Gayle Benson, owner of the New Orleans Saints, was given a “Saints Were Robbed” trophy during Mardi Gras, proving pettiness dies slower than the League’s reaction to bad officiating.

Giants: It appears that New York fans are pretty peeved at allowing Landon Collins to walk, which demonstrates Dave Gettleman’s exceptional ability at making them forget they still have Eli Manning.

Eagles: Philadelphia GM Howie Roseman is making moves to create cap room, obviously hoping he can sign Nick Foles and retain a chance at the playoffs …

49ers: Basically every article about this team is centered on the draft, and frankly, there really isn’t much else to talk about with them anyway — until Garoppolo bags another adult film star, that is.

Seahawks: Seattle places the franchise tag on Frank Clark, who also holds the award for “most Caucasian name in the National Football League.”

Buccaneers: Tampa Bay signs OT Donovan Smith to a lucrative 3-year deal, apparently intending to give Jameis Winston more time to suck farts publicly under center.

Redskins: Washington media laments the fact that they still don’t have an obvious quarterback option, but honestly … did they ever?

0 0 vote
Article Rating
Notify of
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
03/07/2019 3:21 pm


03/06/2019 11:40 pm

These weer very good. I especially like the Bonus Cowboys one.

I’ll give a few more options for “whitest name”, after doing some research…

Cooper Kupp
Connor Barwin
Wyatt Teller
Kirk Cousins
Dustin Hopkins, and our own
Dustin Colquitt

The name Dustin is so white, that even if you make it to the NFL with that name, all you’re allowed to to is kick the ball.

And holy shit there is a black guy named CODY in the NFL. That blew my mind cause that would have been in my top 5 whitest American names.

Reply to  Tyrone
03/29/2019 1:22 pm

who is the lucky Cody?

Mink Farmer
Mink Farmer
03/06/2019 3:27 pm

I lol’d.

Hinky Dink
Hinky Dink
03/06/2019 1:03 pm

because what’s the sense of having Bob Sutton without giving him someone he is familiar with misusing?

comment image

Reply to  Hinky Dink
03/29/2019 1:23 pm

i thought you would reference the fact the Bob Sutton needs more edge rusher sized CBs.

MidKan Chiefs Lifer
MidKan Chiefs Lifer
03/06/2019 12:34 pm

Also thanks I love these they are hilarious

MidKan Chiefs Lifer
MidKan Chiefs Lifer
03/06/2019 12:30 pm

Kirk Cousins love was some of the most perplexing shit I have seen from NFL fans. There was very little to show he deserved the money that was being thrown at him. Now after last year we all know that everyone should have been beating off Veach to get Smith instead of going after Cousins. If it wasn’t for the very unfortunate leg snapping for Smith he was going to take the team Cousins couldn’t get over .500 with to the playoffs (yes I know he would have lost in the first game, but he would have made it). The Amazing Cousins took a team fresh off a NFC Championship game appearance and promptly went 8-7-1. Dude is not a bit better than ok. I think Carr is VERY overrated and he is much better than Cousins.

03/06/2019 11:54 am

i enjoyed this, good work

Anthony Stratton
03/06/2019 11:16 am

Damn Dave. First you can’t eat pizza, now no coffee? She must hate you as much as the rest of us do…

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x