Know your Arrowhead Guys – RIP58…

Author’s note:  The following is completely made up.  Any similarities to any person, living, dead, or hungover, is completely coincidental. 

Rip was born just a few years ago in the middle of Nowhere, Kansas.  This logically helped him grow into being a rabid Chiefs fan.  Yet he always yearned for more, but wasn’t sure what it was.  Growing up, he eventually tried out for the high school football team, mainly because he thought it would impress the chicks.  He became a specialist, holding for field goals and kickoffs on windy days.  He narrowly missed out on all state honors for his position.   He sadly failed to get any scholarship offers.

He still yearned for more.  Eventually, he auditioned for the “Most interesting man in the World” Job for Dos Equis beer.  He wasn’t originally after fame and fortune, just looking for free beer.  Unfortunately, he narrowly lost the job to Jonathan Goldsmith.  However, they saw his gift and offered him the position as the actor’s stuntman.  So when the most interesting man in the world drank a beer, that was Rip filling in.  Unfortunately, the actor eventually got canned, and thus ended Rips free beer racket.  He was heard to say later that “I never liked Dos Equis anyway!”.  Even though he had a taste of fame, he knew something was still missing.  

He did enjoy the stunt doubling work, and applied anywhere where a beer drinking specialist was needed, shows such as the Simpsons and King of the Hill, but strangely they weren’t hiring.  Cheers had just ended its run, so he missed out on that.

Eventually, life took him to Texas, where he discovered hog hunting.  Not the kind that EAFOX does, but the kind where a bunch of guys get liquored up, head out to the farm (er uh, woods) and wait until the farmer isn’t looking to bag a pig.  Sometimes this also evolved into cow-tipping.

Around this same time, the internet had blossomed and blogs were popping up that focused on the Chiefs.   Rip eagerly visited these sites, soaking up whatever Chiefs-related info he could find.   After all the good guys got booted from that site-that-shall-not-be-named, He found his way to the Arrowhead Guys website.   Here he found his calling – he wanted to be the Morning Huddle guy, but the position was already taken.  He patiently abided his time and plotted how he could achieve his goal.   He knew that glory would eventually come his way.

A few years passed, and the Huddle guy had to quit.  By the time Rip mustered up the nerve to apply for the position, some idiot from the middle of nowhere in Indiana had already snuck in.  Dejected, Rip continued to study the huddles, mastering his craft.   Eventually, the Indiana idiot started posting for another person to help out with the huddles.  Rip believed that if he wanted the huddle so bad, others would also, and he unselfishly kept quiet to give others a chance. Days went by.  Hoosier kept asking, upping the ante daily.

Finally, in a drunken haze, Rip said “I’ll try it”.  Hoosier pounced on him like Josh Gordon on a joint.  Strenuous training followed, having to learn such advance computer concepts like there are actually two “enter” keys on most keyboards.   Unfortunately, one of them is pretty close to the delete key, but we won’t bring that up again.  Hoosier patiently trained him in the ways of a Huddle Jedi, until Rip was able to do it on his own.  Rip now does the Saturday, Sunday, and Monday huddles while Hoosier takes the weekdays.  Occasionally they’ll fill in for each other when one of them screws up their computer and are waiting on their kids to come home and fix it.

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