League One Liners: AFC Edition

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It’s Saturday, the sun is shining, and the grass needs mowing — but I would rather take this time to mow down some AFC teams. Shall we begin?

Baltimore Ravens: Fansided claims that Joe Flacco and Lamar Jackson were comparative passers in their rookie years, and I can’t decide which quarterback got burned worse with that statement.

Buffalo Bills: Supposedly, “a new philosophy” is helping push Josh Allen going into his sophomore year, as Bill’s fans pray that philosophy is “be better.”

Cincinnati Bengals: After finally being cleared for activity after a recent toe surgery, Bengals WR A.J. Green changes his nickname to Kevin Durant.

Cleveland Browns: Uncle Luke from 2 Live Crew calls out Baker Mayfield on Twitter, Mayfield replies that he doesn’t listen to classical music.

Denver Broncos: Peyton and Archie Manning drop into a Broncos practice to give advice to Drew Lock in preparation for his Week Two start over Flacco.

Houston Texans: The Texans fired GM Brian Gaine recently, solidifying the notion that Bill O’Brian has incriminating evidence on someone in the Houston front office.

Indianapolis Colts: Frank Reich hopes Andrew Luck can return from a calf sprain for veteran minicamp, but the worst place to recover from an injury is on a field that administers them like Flintstones vitamins.

Jacksonville Jaguars: “NFL Wire” lists Jalen Ramsey as the 9th best cornerback in the league, or as Ramsey would say, “trash.”

Kansas City Chiefs: After Wentz signs his mega-contract, Clark Hunt begins liquidating assets to prepare for Mahomes’ impending payday.

L.A. Chargers: Melvin Gordon claims that the Chargers are the team to beat, but if the Chiefs beat them any more it’ll start looking like domestic violence …

Miami Dolphins: Ryan Fitzpatrick threw a no-look pass in camp, which shows that he is actively practicing ways to throw more than 6 INT’s in a game.

New England Patriots: Bill Belichek once “guest coached” a game for Johns Hopkins lacrosse team, after which the sport saw four rule changes favoring the team.

New York Jets: ESPN’s Todd McShay is being tossed around as a candidate for the Jets’ front office, since the Mike Mayock Draft Experience was such a success …

Update: They opted to hire the Mountain instead. Hound disapproves.

Oakland Raiders: Bleacher Report names Carson Palmer as the Raiders’ ‘biggest mistake,’ which is mind-blowing considering … literally everything else.

Pittsburgh Steelers: A national website names “4 Reasons the Steelers Will Make The Playoffs,” which are: 1) the Bengals, 2) the Browns, 3) the Ravens, and 4) playing them all twice.

Tennessee Titans: Carson Wentz’s deal should help Marcus Mariota feel optimistic that no matter how much time you miss to injury, someone is always dumb enough to pay you.

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Tyrone
Tyrone

Very good

Berserker
Berserker

This week’s winner funniest loser: Denver.

Chief-Blinders-On

Picking the Raiders lowest points would be a great novel.

Fozzyboyd
Fozzyboyd

Damn, loved this post. Nearly got me in trouble at work because i was laughing. Good job.

ChiefBlue_CFC
ChiefBlue_CFC

boom roasted

BDChiefsFan
BDChiefsFan

good one.

stjoechief
stjoechief

Hitting on all cylinders for this one! The NFL gives us entertainment even in the depths of the offseason—whether they mean to or not.

Fire_FG_the_moron
Fire_FG_the_moron

You’re not supposed to poke fun at DV. In this case its spot on.

Anthony Stratton

Hopefully its not a black eye for AG…

/puts on sunglasses

Severely Concussed
Severely Concussed

You should walk away pounding your

Spoiler
son’s
chest.

Anthony Stratton

Oof.

tsv0728
tsv0728

Hitting a little close to home on the Chiefs..ouch. the KD burn was just savage.

Fire_FG_the_moron
Fire_FG_the_moron

After last night, I REALLY hope (although improbable) GS can win the next 2. Toronto has less than classy fans. That was repulsive.

Slayer0810
Slayer0810

We are athletes. We’re not gladiators. This isn’t the Roman Coliseum. People pay their hard earned money to come in here and I believe they can boo, they can cheer, they can do whatever they want. . . . But when you cheer somebody getting knocked out, and I don’t care who it is, and it just so happened to be Matt Cassel, it’s sickening. It’s 100% sickening. I’ve never, ever–I’ve been in some rough times on some rough teams–I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life to play football than in that moment right there. I get emotional about it because these guys work their butts off. Matt Cassel hasn’t done anything to you people, hasn’t done anything to you people. Hasn’t done anything to the media writers that kill him, hasn’t done anything wrong to the people that come out here and cheer him. Hey, if he’s not the best quarterback, he’s not the best quarterback, and that’s okay. But he’s a person, and he got knocked out in a game, and we’ve got 70,000 people out here cheering that he got knocked out.

Berserker
Berserker

I blame their proximity to Buffalo.

Leaf
Leaf

Hunt liquidating assets Watkins, Hitchens, and Sorenson doesn’t feel like much of a burn to me.

HawaiiFiveOh
HawaiiFiveOh

Damn that Raiders one is impressive.

KCChef
KCChef

As is the Pissburgh one … : )

Anthony Stratton

There’s some low blows in this week’s LOL.

I approve.

TNCHIEFS
TNCHIEFS

That’s a lot of material to pick through, especially on Fitzpatrick.

ArrowheadRed
ArrowheadRed

I’m interested to see how long Baker Mayfield can maintain his NFL career talking trash everywhere like he does.

Berserker
Berserker

I like it, it’s old school. You’re supposed to hate your opponents.

01lowbird

DEAD

Cincinnati Bengals: After finally being cleared for activity after a recent toe surgery, Bengals WR A.J. Green changes his nickname to Kevin Durant.

dragon6172
dragon6172

Not dead, I believe the accepted term in these parts is “day to day”