Fan Prep: Chiefs vs The Offseason

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This may or may not be my final fan prep of the season.  Checks calendar.  Yep.  This may or may not be the final one prior to the beginning of the new league year.  Checks calendar again.  Never mind.  Prior to the new league year ending we will have three or more items that we as fans will need to prepare for.  The waiver system began on February 4, 2019.  The next big date coming up on February 12, 2019 beginning at 11:00 am Arrowhead Guys time NFL teams can start signing CFL players whose contracts are up.

The next really big date is February 19, 2019.  That is the day NFL teams can start to designate franchise or transition players.  That will probably be the day we find out Dee Ford’s future.  That gets followed by the NFL Scouting Combine where we will all get to see if the next big thing has a shorts malfunction, and spend all our time as fans arguing about some combine monster and what their performance in the 40 and the bench press really mean.  And by March 5, 2019 we will know for sure Dee Ford’s future as that is the franchise deadline.

Then begins our favorite time of the year.  March 11 – 13 of 2019 is legal tampering day.  That is the period where we can legally tamper with various electronic devices, change the price tags on a big-ticket item we have had our eyes on, and tamper with any judge, jury, or possible witness for the prosecution if we are in the position to actually need to do so.  March 13, 2019 is also the day that each team must comply with the top 51 rule.

What the top 51 rule means is that each NFL team must have enough players on their team that are willing to travel to Roswell New Mexico to demand solid answer to the questions that have been plaguing us for the better part of the last two or three thousand years.  Many of these big questions have to do with velocity and peanut butter and the real reason rocks and medium sized sticks can not fly.  As we all know there is a massive government cover up in regards to the rocks and sticks not being able to fly and with the strict enforcement of the top 51 rule we may one day get the answer we have been waiting for.

March 13, 2019 at 3:00 pm Arrowhead Guys time also marks the beginning of free agency.  That is when we find out which teams are going all in on trying to buy a title.  Many of the tiles these teams are trying to buy really don’t mean much.  Some of the teams will be competing for the title of the best free agency of the year award.  Others may be trying to vie for the title of worst free agency pick-ups.  Many more will try to land the title of making the biggest splash, good or bad.

It looks like I may do a few more of these fan prep guides prior to the end of the official league year after all.  For my guide for you fans that are interested I will go through my steps for preparing for this onslaught of calendar events coming up before the end of the league year.  If you want a full list of what I may or may not be writing a fan prep article about check out this article from our fearless leader (unless there are mice involved.  Those freak him out.).

As many of you know by now, we as fans will need to gather a few items to prepare for our fan preparation.  For the first item on the list we will need to get a gallon of that sweet, sweet nectar that we like to call BHQV.  We will also need to get a few Bert’s approved glasses.  We will also need to get a decent TV, some popcorn and an actual live friend or two.  You will have to inform each of your friends that are actually alive, and willing to show up to your house.  You have to keep in mind that they may not show up because they remember what happened the last time they all came over.

The first item that we need to prepare for is of course not listed on the calendar as a Chiefs event.  In fact, if you looked at the calendar for this upcoming event it would be labeled incorrectly.  I am, of course talking about my half Birthday on February 14.  Every time this huge event rolls around people get all sorts of nuts and start sending flowers, balloon bouquets, chocolates, etc. to every body except me.  I get that it is a big event and you may get confused and send the offering to the wrong person, but you could also just enter this day into you calendar on your smart phone with a repeats yearly notification and avoid the confusion and get those gifts to me instead of that random girl or boy you sent them to.

Anyway, enough about your confusion.  Let’s really try and focus on my upcoming special day and prepare for it properly.  Let’s prepare for this day of celebration.

  1.  Ask each of your friends to bring their favorite DVD of a random genre movie.  For example, if one of your friends just happens to be the most feared man in the world ask him to bring his favorite Rom-Com.
  2. After all your friends arrive share a glass of Bert’s with them (See.  I told you you would need to have that BHQV.).
  3. Probably should have clarified that last step.  By share a glass I meant that each of you drink from your own glass, not share one glass amongst all of you.
  4. Introduce all your friends to your brand-new puppy (I probably should have included acquiring a puppy in the items to gather list.).
  5. Share another glass of Bert’s with your friends (Go back and read step 3.).
  6. Ask your friends to help you name your new puppy.  If any of them suggest Elway, Manning, Peyton, Brady, Tom, Lin, or Elliot hit them with a baseball bat (Probably should have listed that as well.).
  7. Your list of possible names should have at least a few of the following, or a variation.  Patty Cakes, Patster, Pat, Ma Homes, Mahomies, Dog, Leopold, Samantha, or Thursday.
  8. Write those names down, one each on a piece of paper (Should have included pen, paper, and a hat to put them in.) and put them in a hat.
  9. Drink another round of Bert’s with your friends.
  10. Take the hat with the names written on those pieces of paper and carry it outside.
  11. Inform your friends you will now chose one of those names in the hat and name your puppy that.
  12. Light the hat on fire and go with the name you liked best.
  13. Drink another round of Bert’s with your friends and go back inside the house.
  14. Turn on the TV and pull up Netflix and ask them which movie they would like to watch
  15. Drink some more Bert’s while watching the Netflix movie.
  16. Once the movie is over with thank your friends for the gifts of the DVD’s and escort them out the door.
  17. Drink another glass of Bert’s and eat some of that popcorn you forgot to bring out while your friends were there, and watch another movie on Netflix.
  18. Head off to bed with your new puppy Willard.

If you follow these steps to the letter you should have at least one DVD that would be worth sending to me on my half Birthday.  If not go out and find new friends.

Until next time, the Granddude abides.