As I checked the news, I saw that there was weather forecasted for Saturday’s game at Arrowhead when the Chiefs host the Colts. When there is weather in the forecast, fans need gear, and when fans need gear, its time to make bank. So I stormed the storage room in my basement for all the necessary gear that you absolutely can’t go to the game without.
First things first. I need you to pry yourself away from the couch for a minute, go dig through the dirty laundry, and find the outfit you were wearing for the victory against the Raiders. If you can find them, feel free to skip to the gear section, your wardrobe has been preselected by fate. However, for the majority of you who weren’t wearing anything for that game, read on.
The first thing you need to consider before going to the game is what relevant player’s jersey to wear. Well I have you covered. First up for bid is an authentic Tamarick Vanover shirsey. This is not some reproduction knock-off, folks. This is the real deal. $20 and its yours.
Next up you’re going to need something to keep your feet dry. Well, kind of dry. I have for your consideration a pair of Chiefs colored Newbalance yard shoes with extra ventilation in the pinky toe area, so that little piggy doesn’t have to go wah wah wah all the way home. Size 14, we’ll start the bidding at $15.
Now because as I mentioned there will be weather, we need to prepare you for the potential of cold. I mean, it is January folks. Feast your eyes on this collection of authentic Chiefs stocking caps. And one generic red one with an AG sticker on it. We have a an option for every style at AGList. Hipster? Get that fuzzy ball top bro. Edgy? Yarn mohawk is throwin’ up the devil horns just for you dude. Traditional? We got that with some nice black stripes. Forgot the game was tomorrow? Rock that AG sticker like you planned it all along. $7 each, or $40 for the whole collection.
Or, if you’re like me and wear glasses, sometimes its better to suffer frostbite on your ears in order to keep rain drops from speckling your lenses. If thats the case, here’s the perfect lot for you. A ballcap I received as a gift no less than 15 years ago and have never worn because it doesn’t fit my giant melon. $10.
Feeling like adding a little flair to the ensemble? That’s right, we have something for that too. Here’s a gently used Chiefs wrist sweatband for sale. You know what, just ignore the whole “sweat” thing. Lets just call it a wrist band. This little piece of flair will not only let people know how dedicated you are to the Chiefs, but will also let everyone who sees you know how cool you are. I promise. $5, cool guy.
Last but not least, we need to keep those hands warm while you’re double-fisting $12 Bud Lights inside the stadium. We have for sale a set of mismatched camo gloves. Don’t worry that they don’t match, no one will see them anyways. They’re frickin’ camo! As an added benefit, these will help keep from bruising your delicate hands as you high-five the Chiefs Cheerleaders. $10 and not a penny less, as one of them is brand name Thinsulate.
Now that you’ve got a swank new outfit, we need to keep you dry. Again, there is weather in the forecast, and you need to be prepared. For sale in this ad is an officially branded Arrowhead Guys Rain Poncho in a high quality carry bag that you will never get that thing back in regardless of how long you try. But that’s irrelevant to the smart guy who actually takes a poncho to the game. You see, as long as you carry this awkward thing around with you, it will never rain. However, leave it in your car and there’s a 100% chance of semi-freezing torrential downpour. The choice is yours. $15 take it or die of hypothermia.
For any of you planning on taking your wife to the game, be prepared. The Chiefs won’t allow her to take that 15 gallon leather bag she calls a purse in to the stadium. Sure, they sell clear plastic chic bags at the team store for $25, but that means you’re going to be lugging 30 pounds of her lady gear in your cargo pants all the way across the parking lot. Save yourself the trouble by purchasing this high quality, and water proof, official Arrowhead Guys game purse. At $10 each, they’re a steal. Get them while they last!
Now I assume you are going to want to do some heavy pre-gaming to calm your nerves before the big game. You are a Chiefs fan, after all. You’ve been traumatized. Time to loosen up. So swing by ole Tony’s and pick up a partially consumed case of Blue Yummies. Price and availability varies.
Of course those 3 or 4 cans of tasty adult beverage aren’t going to keep themselves cold. You’re going to need a cooler. But not just any cooler will do. You need a designer cooler that shows all your tailgating neighbors how legit you are. And what better way to do that than with stickers that entirely misrepresent you as a person? We have you covered. For a limited time only, you can acquire this custom cooler that will make you the envy of every tailgate for a mere $40.
Now I know what you’re thinking; you’re going to need to grill those hotdogs up so you have something to hold your ketchup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all know you just bought that slick Weber folding grill. But lets face it, regardless of the outcome of this game, you’re not going to be in the mood to pack that thing back up. You need something that you don’t mind forgetting, or kicking in disgust. For that I offer you this $20 mini-grill that someone else left behind after a game.
Before you head in to the game, you’re going to need something to keep your feet insulated from the cold concrete of Arrowhead. After all, those shoes you just bought don’t have a lot of life left in them. The perfect solution to keep the chill from creeping up through your toes is this Amazon box that the mixer I bought my wife for Christmas came in. $5 and its yours. $8 if you want me to break it down flat and throw the packing insulation away,